Dear Quinnians,

Another great fantasy season is almost in the books. Mad props to those of you whose team(s) is/are still going; whether you win or lose this week, you’ve had a killer season.

Things will continue to roll here DFW, so stick around. Jeff and I will continue our war of words, and everyone else will continue to do what they do. You have my Almighty word: good times will be had by all.

The year has seen triumph and tragedy, both fantasy football related and otherwise; we at DFW want to honor the memory of the fallen, celebrate the deeds of the heroic, and comfort those who’ve had to endure unspeakable tragedy. Our thoughts and prayers go out especially to the families involved in the horrific tragedy that took place in Newtown, CT.

I hope you all enjoy the holiday season, and that the time off is restorative, full of love, blessings, family, and mirth.


Quinn Almighty



If any of you are having a hard time coming up with your Christmas wish list, I’ve put some sample lists from NFL players and coaches below.


All I Want For Christmas Is…


“A wizzinator!”

–The Seahawks DBs


“The season to end.”

–All players, coaches, and front office personnel associated with the Jaguars and Chiefs


“An actual, NFL-caliber wide receiver.”

–Ryan Tannehill


“Competent teammates.”

–Adrian Peterson


“An offensive line and a bran muffin.”

–Jay Cutler


“An offensive line and some fans who appreciate me.”

–Matt Forte


“An offensive line.”

–Brandon Marshall


“A forehead reduction.”

–Jerome Simpson


“Out. And Jesus loves you.”

–Tim Tebow


“Jermichael Finley to get hit by a meteor.”

–Aaron Rodgers


“!#*[email protected]##[email protected]

–Ray Lewis


“To be as good as Russell Wilson.”

–Andrew Luck and Robert Griffin III


“One playoff game! Dear god, just one playoff game!”

–Tony Romo


“That lipstick-red gown by Vera Wang.”

–Jeff Melbostad


“Behavioral counseling—I’m such an @$$hole.”

–Greg Schiano


“A job. And Jenny Craig. And a body guard so I don’t eat her.”

–Andy Reid


“Peace on earth, good will toward men (and women), and an end to world hunger. Oh, and a Vera Wang gown for Jeff, ‘cuz he’s my boy.”

–Quinn Almighty





The Rating System


I rate players on a scale of Jeffs, because Jeff rocks my socks, and my world.[2]

One Jeff: the player is worth a gamble

Two Jeffs: the player is a solid but unspectacular play.

Three Jeffs: the player is a strong play

Four Jeffs: Start him and grin.

[1] My newer readers should note that my column focuses on looking for options beyond the obvious starts (e.g., Aaron Rogers, Arian Foster, Victor Cruz). My theory is that people don’t need to be told to start Ray Rice, but that they might appreciate a little help deciding who to play as a bye-week replacement and/or which player to target with a waiver wire snatch.


[2] Still no need to be jealous, Mrs. Jeff.








S. Bradford

Helloooooooooooooo Tampa Bay.

Rating: 3 Jeffs


T. Romo

The Saints pass defense isn’t scaring anyone, Dez and Miles are getting it done, and oh, yeah, there’s that TE they have, too.

Rating: 3.5 Jeffs each


C. Henne

If your team is still playing, Henne isn’t your QB. If, by some miracle, you made it this far without a real QB, Henne’s not a horrible gamble. The Jags are going to get buried, which means GARBAGE TIME POINTS!

Rating: 2 Jeffs


R. Tannehill

The Bills have gotten better as the year progressed, but they’re still 4th worst when it comes to stopping QBs.

Rating: 2

M. Schaub

Dear Santa,

I’d like to face the Vikings.


Matty Schaub


*Note: Eli, M. Stafford, and C. Kaepernick are facing a top 10-pass defense this week, so adjust your expectations.





A. Dalton

The Steelers are beasts.


J. Cutler

Arizona has a stout pass-defense, and Cutler has five turnstiles for an offensive line.


R. Wilson

I love the guy, but I wouldn’t mess with San Fran.


P. Rivers

Three picks. Count ‘em.





 D. Murray

Why, yes, yes I would like to face the worst rush-defense in the league this week.

Rating: 3 Jeffs


S. Ridley/S. Vereen

If either of them can stop fumbling long enough to make it out of the doghouse, the Jags are terrible.

Rating: 3/2.5 Jeffs


D. Williams

This is a super-sneaky pick, and it’s quite possible I’m overthinking things, but Oakland has a very generous run-defense, and DeAngelo has had something of a renaissance of late.

Rating: 2.5 Jeffs

K. Moreno

He’s been tearing it up, and Cleveland’s been giving it up.

Rating: 2.5 Jeffs


C. Brinkley

The Jets struggle to stop the run, the Chargers are scared to pass because Rivers tends to connect with DBs as frequently as does with WRs, and there really isn’t any competition for carries.

Rating: 2 Jeffs


*Note: the following studs face top 10 run-defenses: M. Lynch, A. Peterson, T. Rich, L. McCoy, A. Morris, R. Rice, and CJ Spiller.



 B. Wells

Not against Chicago.



Don’t mess with the Steelers.






 D. Amendola

I love Tampa!

Rating: 3.5


We’re playing the Aints. Whoops! I mean the Saints.

Rating: 3/3 Jeffs

T. Smith/Q

It’s been a rough year for the Giants DBs.

Rating: 2.5/3 Jeffs


C. Shorts

Hello, Patsies!

Rating: 3 Jeffs


*Note: the following studs face top 10 pass defenses: M. Crabtree, S. Rice, Calvin Johnson, V. Jackson, AJ Green, and B. Marshall.




M. Crabtree

If you don’t have anyone better, go for it, but he’s got a rookie QB throwing to him in a meaningful game against the top rated pass-defense in the league.


S. Rice

San Francisco.


J. Gordon

The Broncos are tough on WRs.


D. Alexander/M. Floyd

Again, not this week, mes amis.





 B. Celek

Washington gives it up to TEs (2nd worst in the NFL).

Rating: 3 Jeffs


 M. Lewis

The Pats are also nice to opponents’ TEs.

Rating: 2 Jeffs


J. Finley

He’s playing for his next contract (which will not come from GB).

Rating: 3.5 Jeffs


K. Rudolph

A talented player playing a team that gives up points to TEs.

Rating: 2.5 Jeffs


* Note: the following stud TEs face top 10 TE-stopping defenses: B. Pettigrew & J. Graham.



 V. Davis

V. Davis: killing fantasy owners all year. Seattle: best in the league at shutting down TEs.


M. Bennett

The Ravens do a good job keeping TEs under wraps.


J. Tamme

The Browns do very few things well; stopping TEs is one of them.


J. Gresham

Cincy plays the Steelers this week. The Steelers stop TEs.