The Artificial Devy Report: Silver Screen to Gridiron

by Co-Owners/Senior Writer Jamie Will (@jwill2412_DFW) and Joshua Johnson (@Josh_DFWPulse)

 

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Bobby Boucher

  • He plays with his hair on fire
  • Somehow scored a negative grade on the Wonderlic the first time, but aced it on an unprecedented retest
  • Unusual size for a Mike LB at 5’9.5″ 183 pounds
  • Hits like a mack truck that is fueled by a lifetime of pain, anger, and shame
  • Arguably the best “nose for the ball” of all-time despite not really knowing anything about football
  • Obliterated the all-time NCAA sack record with 16 sacks in one game, leaving a sea of broken QB’s in his wake during his remarkable college season
  • Can do a bit of everything, as evidenced by his success as a blocker, on special teams, and even as a passer during the thrilling final play of the Bourbon Bowl (a 42 yard touchdown pass and subsequent MVP award)
  • NFL Comp: Difficult to pin down, but think a smaller build like Zach Thomas and the hitting power of Ray Lewis x 5

by JW/JJ


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Ronnie Bass a.k.a. “Sunshine”

  • A multi-talented leader who is a dangerous dual-threat at the QB position
  • Plays much bigger than his size with a fearless, unrelenting confidence
  • Willing to do anything to help the team (ie: play defense in the championship game)
  • Very eccentric: enjoys practicing Tai Chi and other “Californian” things according to teammates
  • Needs to put on size and add strength if he wants to hold up in the long-term with his playing style
  • Initially could not master the option pitch, but proved to be a “gamer” when he got his chance and led the Titans to the State Championship over HOF coach Ed Henry
  • Rumors of a locker-room “kissing incident” early in the season created some controversy, but was ultimately squashed as Bass took control and led the team
  • NFL Comparison: Steve Young with a much slighter build and a lot more hair

by JW

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Daniel Eugene “Rudy” Ruettiger EDGE

  • Heart of a warrior, skills and size of a an eight grader g12712_u10164_rudy_ruettiger2
  • Lack of production screams of backup practice squad special team dreams
  • Quite simply too tiny (5’7″ 190) to sustain a long NFL career at DE or WLB
  • Diagnosed with dyslexia as a child but eventually overcame it and gained higher education
  • Was rumored to be involved in a “breaking entry/squatting” plot prior to gaining enrollment at Notre Dame
  • The steel mill bred walk-on is a feel good story with a heart of gold, etc. but come on people it was one stinking play
  • Too human for the NFL stage that is filled with mammoths and bolts of lightning
  • NFL Comparison: London Fletcher/Art Donovan

by JJ


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Stefen Djordjevic CB (All the Right Moves) 

  • Son of steel mill worker, so he has a bit of a defiant streak in him but is a blue collar worker aa
  • Has been know to take some bad penalties
  • Was kicked off high school team for calling his coach out his coach
  • In turn he was black balled from colleges
  • He and his coach eventually made up when Djordjevic accepted a full ride scholarship to play for him at division 1 Cal Poly (Big Sky)
  • He is Serbian American (second generation)
  • Very small standing just 5’7″ and 178 pounds
  • Will get his nose dirty supporting the run defense
  • Was routinely trusted to cover WR1s on an island with just a single high safety in the run thwarting 6-2 stack monster
  • NFL Comparison: Jason Sehorn/Pat Fisher

by JJ


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Deacon Moss WR

  • The obvious elephant in the room, Moss became relevant during a game between prison guards and inmates
  • Measuring 6’2” and 207 pounds, Moss has prototypical #1 WR size
  • Very physical on routes and ran surprisingly good routes for someone with no known football history* (Moss’ history prior to this game is a mystery)
  • Routinely beat the best defenders for “The Guards” both short and deep, racking up approximately 6 catches and 2 touchdowns.
  • Great hands to go with an overwhelming air of cockiness and confidence
  • Difficult attitude to control within a team environment: A true Alpha-male
  • NFL Comp: The resemblance to Hall of Famer Michael Irvin is uncanny.

by JW

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Kevin Durant WR

  • Towering red zone weapon at 6’9″ and rumored to have bulked up to 240 pounds 51RHNumvsoL._SX200_QL80_
  • Not the next Antonio Gates but could very well be the next Harold Carmichael (590/8985/79)
  • Definitely a project as he has only played basketball up until now
  • Will need to start with a very limited route tree
  • Should have the wingspan to sting smaller DBs in press coverage
  • Could be used as a Hail Mary prevent DB
  • Catch radius? #Drool
  • Was not able to bench press 135 pounds at the NBA combine
  • NFL Comparison: Harold Carmichael/De’dunnya Wilson

by JJ


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Shane Falco QB

  • Former All-American QB for Ohio State who infamously melted down in the 1996 Sugar Bowl against Florida State
  • Falco dubiously earned the nickname “Footsteps Falco” in that game, which OSU lost by 45 points
  • Falco has a long history of concussions, including three in the 1996 Sugar Bowl alone
  • Received the second chance of a lifetime with the Washington Sentinels during a player-strike and instantly took control of the team.
  • Overcame rust and jitters to lead Washington to an improbable playoff berth by winning 2 of 3 games, including against Dallas, the defending champs at full strength.
  • Possesses “miles and miles of heart,” according to Coach Jimmy McGinty, to go along with a strong arm and surprisingly effective mobility
  • A true comeback story, Falco went from on top of the world to scraping barnacles off of boats for a living and back again. All he needs is another shot to stick.
  • NFL Comp: Best Case scenario he is Kurt Warner Or he could be Tommy Maddox

by JW

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