Episode 18

An unconventional look at the world of dynasty football through the eyes and minds of two fantasy football junkies.


  • As you can see from our title photo, Calvin Pace is serious about rape prevention. – Gino
    • Is Calvin Pace part dog?  It looks like he is trying to get Big Ben’s scent. – Dan
  • Last week, we received a complaint for poking fun of people’s physical attributes, specifically, Jerome Simpson’s bulbous skull.  Julia Louis-Dreyfus (Elaine Benes from Seinfeld) wrote us a scathing email.  You can see why she would take exception to our comedic efforts in this short clip.
  • We’d like to take this opportunity to apologize.  Our intent here at Double Coverage is to entertain.  Sometimes, we may cross the line.  We’ve upset the community of disproportionately large headed individuals.  For that, we are truly sorry. – Gino
    • I am not going to apologize.  However, I would like to encourage God to apologize to Jerome Simpson.  No one deserves a head like that. – Dan


Double Coverage Dictionary

Classy – Black man behaving in a way that doesn’t make the white man uncomfortable

Scrappy – white wide receivers, usually undersized

Quicker than Fast – A Mike Mayock coined phrase that he has used to replace other common stall expressions, like “umm” or “Ahh.”  It’s overuse has left it deflated and meaningless.

Hot Hand – The term used when all a coach’s running backs are pedestrian talent and he’s desperately hoping at least one doesn’t suck in each game.

Pain Tolerance Situation – This player, unless he wants to be labeled a wussburgler, better find his way onto the field this week.

Character Concerns – this guy smokes/eats reefer, drinks and drives, steals, gets stabbed by his wife, and/or beats his mother with a baseball cap

Deep Threat – can’t run routes

Injury Prone – Jahvid Best

Slot Receiver – a quicker than fast wide receiver that may or may not be the next Wes Welker (depending on race)

Change of Pace Back – someone not good enough to be a three down running back or too short/skinny to have people believe in him.  These players are often in the “hot hand” conversation.

“Effort Guy” – a player with so little talent that they will be bagging groceries if they don’t lay it all out every play.

Special Teamer – A player of mediocre talent who contributes mostly on special teams or an elite playmaker on the Jet’s offense.

Jacksonville Jaguars – someone not good enough to play on the Jets and MJD.

Replacement Officials – Different elderly people we don’t recognize screwing over our favorite teams.

Regular Officials –  Familiar elderly people that NFL fans are comfortable getting screwed by.

Blocking Tight End – a tight end with Shonn Greene-like hands/stumps.

Wildcat Offense – something Tony Sparano made up because he didn’t have a quarterback.  Something now used to beat Tony Sparano coached teams.


  • It might be Tebow time for the NY Jets.  The only possible way that Sanchez could play worse is if, on the rare occasion he completed a pass, he ran down field and tackled his own players. – Gino
    • Rex Ryan is dumb enough to add fuel to the fire by not fully backing Sanchez.  To me, it is obvious that Tebow needs to be given a shot but why add to the uproar in a market like New York?  Rex was more entertaining when he was fatter. – Dan


  • Jason Cole of Yahoo Sports reports that Matt Cassel is losing the confidence of “players and many others” in the Chiefs’ organization with his dismal play of late.  What in the hell took them so long? – Gino
    • They were distracted by Todd Haley’s douchebaggery. – Dan


  • I was watching the Seahawks play this week and I noticed that Pete Carroll has two different looks.  The first is the excited kid look.  He looks like a kid on Christmas morning.  The other look happens much more often.  It is the “why the hell did I come in this room” look. – Dan
    • This was taken immediately after being told that Golden Tate stole some doughnuts.  Tate later made up for his mistakes by selling the donuts and using the money to pay off the replacement refs. – Gino


  • Dez Bryant finally got his second 100 yard game of his career.  He also had three big drops.  I am still much more confident in Miles Austin long term. – Dan
    • He also ran a bad route which resulted in a pick six.  He bludgeoned any chances of his team winning over the head with a baseball cap. – Gino


  • Well, the Jet’s wide receiver troubles are over.  They signed Jason Hill. – Gino
    • Maybe Joe McKnight can underachieve at two offensive positions when he isn’t playing cornerback.  This team is in trouble. – Dan


  • The fact that Marshawn Lynch has over 4.5 yards per carry while having no one to draw attention away from him just shows how good he is. – Dan
    • Beast mode is in full effect.  On one three yard run he breaks more tackles than Shonn Greene has in 2012. – Gino


  • We have talked about Alfred Morris a lot these last couple episodes.  He is gaining steam.  Against the Bucs he gained 82 of 113 yards after contact.  He may not be flashy but that doesn’t mean isn’t above average or better.  I really think he is here to stay. – Dan
    • I belief in Alf.  He’s matchup proof. – Gino

Dan and I have been searching for weeks for opponents worthy enough to challenge our gridiron prowess.  Ultimately, we realized the search was fruitless and decided that my 3 and 4 year old daughters would serve as suitable representatives for everyone that isn’t us.   Each week, the four of us will pick winners from 6 NFL games and we’ll post and analyze the results in DC.

Well week 4 results are the week’s standing:
Shea –     1 wins 5 losses
Gino –     4 wins 2 losses
Dan –       2 wins 4 losses
Gia –        3 wins 3 losses

Here are overall standings:
Gino     14 wins 10 losses
Shea     12 wins 12 losses
Dan       11 wins 13 losses
Gianna 9 wins 15 losses

The cream has finally risen to the top, officially.  While I hoped for better things for my children, I prefer it not be at the expense of my ego.  So this is working out well.  It’s also a bonus to be destroying Dan like I am.  I always knew I was considerably smarter than him, but providing iron clad evidence never hurts.  I would hate for him to stop hating himself. – Gino

You are three wins ahead of me little man.  I will crush you:  either through this contest or through a “random” attack afterwards.  Gino’s overconfidence will be his downfall. – Dan
Here are this weeks games:

  • Philadelphia @ Pittsburgh
  • Miami @ Cincinnati
  • Seattle @ Carolina
  • Tennessee @ Minnesota
  • San Diego @ New Orleans
  • Atlanta @ Washington

Gino     Record (14 – 10)     Age:  38     Ht:  5’3″     Wt: 103 lbs*
(*In High School)

  • Pittsburgh
  • Miami
  • Carolina
  • Minnesota
  • New Orleans
  • Washington

Shea     Record (12 – 12)     Age:  3     Ht:  3’2″     Wt:  33 lbs

  • Philadelphia
  • Washington
  • Cincinnati
  • Carolina
  • Minnesota
  • New Orleans

Dan     Record (11 – 13)     Age:  32     Ht:  5’9″    Wt:  103 lbs*
(*In 2nd Grade)

  • Pittsburgh
  • Cincinnati
  • Carolina
  • Minnesota
  • New Orleans
  • Atlanta

Gianna     Record (9 – 15)     Age:  4     Ht:  3’1″     Wt:  30 lbs

  • Philadelphia
  • Atlanta
  • Miami
  • Seattle
  • Tennessee
  • San Diego

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