Written by Dan Heins

Hey DFW/FFW faithful.  Its time for another Monday Morning Jolt, as if we needed it.  The great and powerful Leo Paciga @FFHoudini is on break this week and as we have agreed upon in blood, I am obligated to fill in for him.  The article format is always the same, but as faithful readers will notice, there tends to be a little more sarcasm when I sit down and jot down my observations.  So hopefully you guys like the sarcasm, because its going to get pretty thick up in here.

So here are Ron Burgandy’s observations from week 12 of the NFL season:


  • Imagine Josh Gordon with an actual NFL QB. Imagine.


  • If Vikings coaching staff hasn’t figured out that the key to their NFL success consists of this offensive formula (run + run + run + run + PA pass + run + run + PA pass = a competitive football team), I can’t help them and they SHOULD all be fired at the end of the season.


  • A Vikings VS Packers tie, is not only like kissing your sister, but its like french kissing your sister.  And while both of these teams are definitely missing some chromosomes right now, its not justifiable.  It’s disturbing and wrong.


  • Take away Christian Ponder’s first read and he’s like a guy with 3 cars who just had one stolen, and is now wondering how the hell he’s ever going to get to work.


  • I will say it again and again.  Matthew Stafford is the single best worst QB in the NFL.  I just can’t see Detroit truly competing with him at QB.


  • Nate Burleson was averaging about 13-14 points/game in PPR formats before his injury.  After his 21 point game on his first game back from injury, Burleson should be rostered in every league.


  • HOUSTON! WE HAVE A….. COMPLETE MELTDOWN.  Houston was definitely on the short list of legitimate contenders in the AFC going into the season.  They are now an absolute shell of themselves.  Even hometown boy Case Keenum has come back to earth after his benching last week.  I would be very surprised if coach Kubiak survives the off-season.


  • Miami may have found the only way to strategically attack that nasty Carolina defense.  Throw it  up and hope you get lucky.


  • Antonio Brown proved immune to the blanket coverage of Cleveland’s super corner Joe Hayden.  Brown still managed to put up 6 receptions for 92 yds and a TD. Not too shabby for the all of a sudden surging and competitive Pittsburgh Steelers.


  • My man crush Zac Stacy suffered a concussion right before the end of the first half. Stacy was on pace for another 30+ point week.  Benny Cunningham jumped right in and filled in beautifully versus a Chicago run defense  leakier than a nursing home prostate.  Stacy owners need to grab Cunningham if they haven’t already.  With STL out of serious contention, they have no major motivation to rush him back.  :singletear:


  • Eddie Lacy is NOT Adrian Peterson.  BUT, he is a younger, better Marshawn Lynch.  Beastmode 2.0. Draft accordingly this off-season.


  • WTH Indy?  Reggie Wayne goes down, and all of a sudden the team that beat Denver and Seattle looks like a shell of itself.  When exactly is Andrew Luck going to become an elite NFL QB?  Sorry, I don’t think its too early to ask that question.


  • Don’t look now, but is it possible that Michael Floyd is becoming the true #1 WR in AZ?


  • Justin Hunter had a breakout game VS Oakland.  He has been coming along nicely and there are enough Hunter believers out there to make Hunter a great dynasty grab and stash for this off-season.  Expect Hunter’s value to continue to rise from now until the beginning of next year.  Grab him now, and sell him before kick off of week 1 next year for a nice return on investment.


  • Maybe, just maybe Coach Schiano knew what the heck he was doing when he shipped Freeman out of Tampa.  Josh has failed to impress in MN over the likes of Christian Ponder and Matt Cassel.  That’s like not being able to tie Velcro shoes.  When you combine that with TB’s recent on-field success, what was looking like a sure firing, is now looking like one more year for Coach Schiano and crew.


  • What happened to that vaunted KC defense?  One little beat down from the Broncos and now KC has lost two straight.  This could spell disaster for Peyton Manning owners in the later weeks of the season should Denver pull away from KC and decide he should rest up.


  • I know I already said this, but imagine Josh Gordon with an ACTUAL NFL QB…. oh the possibilities….

Well that’s it for me this week guys.  Yes, no comments on the Denver/New England game because I have a life that involves 2 young children, a wife, 7 restaurants, and 2 websites, so I am going to bed early but I will make some predictions (and for the record this was finalized 30 minutes before the game so nothing was changed) I expect Vereen to end up with a ridiculous amount of catches. Maybe as high as 10-12, good for about 25 PPR points. I expect it to be decent scoring but not super high.  I think the final score will be 34-30, but think Denver will be in control of this game for most of it, but I do expect NE’s defense to step up a bit since its at home and should keep it interesting down to the wire.