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Top 10: Guys I Hate On Draft Day

By Matthew Southall (@mattsouthall2)
Writer for Dynasty Football Warehouse

It’s finally August! All 32 NFL teams’ training camps are in full swing and the preseason kickoff is scheduled for this Monday night. August is arguably the most important month of the year for fantasy footballers like ourselves. The position battles will begin to sort themselves out in the coming weeks, and young and unproven newcomers will be given the opportunity to distance themselves from the pack.

While I personally believe that no one man can do enough research, podcast tune-ins, or mock drafts in preparation for their league’s start-up draft, redraft, or rookie draft, it is important to remember that things most definitely will not unfold in the manner in which you think they will. Players will fall further than you think they should and others will be snatched up two or maybe even three rounds earlier than you would have taken them (usually by an exuberant owner who thinks he got the steal of the draft). It happens every year without fail, and neither is proven right or wrong until the fantasy season’s end.

One of the things that every fantasy participant can control is his behavior on draft day. I have been a participant in numerous drafts that went awry due to one guy’s ego or ill-thought-out actions towards other well-meaning owners. Don’t be that guy in your league. We all know the guy I’m talking about. The guy who takes things one step too far. The guy who thinks the draft is just a formality of some predetermined set of circumstances that will once again prove he is the “crème de la crème” of your fantasy football league. That guy who wears out his welcome before the season opener. Everyone hates that guy.

I must admit that it is a tough obstacle at times due to unforeseen circumstances or the instances where no other options present themselves. Sometimes that guy is the only way your league can stay at 12 teams, or you can’t find anyone else to fill a void left by an owner who bailed last minute when his wife told him that his entry fee was “A continuous and unnecessary waste of money that could be used to pay off that credit card I maxed out in college!,” but I digress.

These guys come in all shapes and sizes, and if you let your guard down you could suddenly find yourself being that guy in your league. Here is my list of the “Top Ten Guys I Hate On Fantasy Draft Day.”

10. CAN’T TAKE A JOKE GUY

One of the best aspects of fantasy football is the trash talking. The art of burning one another during the draft and throughout the season on the message boards makes fantasy sports that much better. And if you are dishing it out, you had better be able to take it right back in stride. Don’t get your feelings hurt because of a harmless joke made by a league mate who is trying to liven things up. Don’t let him get in your head, it’s part of the game.

9. TAKES A KICKER EARLY GUY

I knew it was a kicker year!” This one  doesn’t really even bother me, but for the sake of competition don’t take a kicker before you’ve selected your RB4 or WR5. It happens every year, and I facepalm every time. It really doesn’t make any sense at all. Please don’t be that guy.

8. HOMER GUY

This is the guy who shows up in a team specific jersey with his matching shorts and hat and makes the concerted effort to only draft players that play for the team he supports. While this strategy can work if the stars align and you are extremely lucky, most instances of this fantasy debauchery just make it less fun and less competitive for fellow owners.

7. THE LOUD MOUTH GUY

This guy. How can he not feel the glare of ten other people in a room this small. He just won’t shut up. “I got this guy in this round?! Blah blah blah. What were you guys thinking?!” He’s the guy who claims that every one of his picks will finish in the top five (or top 10 at worst). The guy who thinks he’s got you and everyone else figured out, and wants to tell you all about it in short varying instances.

6. DRINKS TOO MUCH GUY

A whole bottle of Crown Royal® before the start of the fifth-round? Why not? Mind eraser for yourself in preparation for your first overall selection? Be my guest. Your bad decisions will almost always work out to my benefit. You are only hurting yourself in the long run, and nobody wants to wake up the morning after the draft with a hangover and a crappy team that you’re stuck with for the entire season. Don’t be that guy.

5. THE AUTO-DRAFT GUY

Whether it’s letting the AI pick your whole team for you or turning it on halfway through the draft, I can never fully comprehend why anyone with a desire to do well in fantasy sports would let an automated drafting system select players for them. If you feel like the PC has a better shot at drafting a winning team than you do then I don’t want you in my league. While fantasy sports are fun and a roller coaster ride of emotions they should also be competitive. If you don’t care enough to draft your own team then let me know upfront so I can replace you with someone who does.

4. THE ILL-PREPARED GUY

I see it every year. This guy walks in with nothing in his hands and no cares in the world. Having done little-to-zero preparation he struts in like he has his top 300 memorized and ready to reference at any given moment only to be frantically looking at his phone after the second-round. I hate this guy, but I love him. His lack of preparation (and multiple mispronunciations) fills me with glee as he scrambles to find pen and paper to jot notes on. I roast this guy alive if he tries to peek at my cheat sheets, and I know the guy who allows him to share his rankings and materials is virtually no threat to me in the long run. He doesn’t have the killer instinct that it takes to be great. Step aside peasant.

3. SHOWS UP LATE GUY

If your league’s draft is scheduled for 2:00 PM and you just assume that it will start when you arrive at 2:15 then don’t be upset about your first-round auto-drafted pick. Everyone else was here on time. Be courteous people, jeez. Pretty self explanatory.

2. THE “DOESN’T HAVE THE MONEY RIGHT NOW” GUY

After many years of getting burned at the end of the season by sultry owners who refused to fork over the cash, I finally learned my lesson. A lesson that would not be necessary had certain guys lived up to their word and just did what they said they would. You know who you are. I implement a strict “NO PAY = NO DRAFT” deadline a week before my league’s annual redraft, and since doing so it has alleviated all of the post season run-around that many league commissioners face every year. Don’t be the guy that puts a buddy in a position where he is beating down your door for a measly $100.

1. THE BACKS OUT LAST MINUTE GUY

This guy takes the cake. Doesn’t even answer his cell or text you back in the hours leading up to one of the biggest moments of the year. What ever happened to manners and common courtesy? If you can’t fulfill our requirements as an owner after you’ve already committed to doing so, don’t wait until the last minute to let someone know. Man up and if you must bow out, do it with some dignity.

Matt Southall is a fantasy football contributor at dynastyfootballwarehouse.com. Follow him on Twitter @mattsouthall2, “Like” him on Facebook or add him to your network on Google+.