unicorn 450x338 Unicorns are People Too?

Episode 17

An unconventional look at the world of dynasty football through the eyes and minds of two fantasy football junkies.

  • Martellus Bennett has looked impressive the first three weeks of the season.  He should continue to be a low end TE1 from this point on and possibly better depending on injuries. - Dan
    • He called himself the Black Unicorn before the season.  I had no idea what the hell that was or meant.  But based upon his fantasy performance in the first three weeks, I’m going to let it slide, for now. - Gino

 

  • It’s unfair that I was forced to wait until week 3 to find out what Ryan Mathews second injury of the year will be. – Gino
    • It’s unfair that the world has to see Jay Cutler’s stupid face constantly.  That is what is unfair. – Dan

     

  • Some interesting stats of three elite quarterbacks: Rodgers, Brees, Brady
      • Ranks for Passer Rating: Brady 12th, Rodgers 17th, Brees 28th
      • Ranks for Passing Yards: Brees 4th, Brady 9th, Rodgers 14th
      • Ranks for Completion %: Rodgers 9th, Brady 12th, Brees 28th – Gino
    • I am pretty sure this trend will correct itself over the course of the season but it is a concern.  The Patriots offense is somewhat of an issue going forward so Brady is the only one that really concerns me. - Dan

 

  • I absolutely love Hakeem Nicks but his inability to play sixteen games in a season is frustrating at times. – Dan
    • I almost moved him in the off season because of this.  The upside is just enormous though and it’s hard to pass up. – Gino

     

  • With the Aaron Hernandez injury, I would expect to see both Wes Welker and Brandon Lloyd get a boost in targets. - Dan
    • I think Gronkowski gets a significant bump upward as well. - Gino

 

  • Remember in the offseason when there was a lot of James Starks hype? – Dan
    • I was the engineer of the hype train.  When I boarded enough passengers, I drove it off the cliff.  I’m like that. – Gino

     

  • There is idiot in one of my leagues that spent 46% of his yearly auction funds to acquire Greg Salas.  The next day, the Patriots waived Salas.  That idiot was me. – Dan
    • Another idiot in that league was trying to talk his partner (his father) into upping the bid on Salas.  The wiser, more grizzly owner, won the argument and no bid was placed.  That idiot was me. - Gino

     

  • Mark Sanchez is suffering from lower back tightness.  Tim Tebow could heal that for him. – Dan
    • Those unaccustomed to Tebowing on a regular basis should always stretch before doing it. - Gino

     

  • I am pretty sure Robert Meachem still exists.  I am not sure if Phillip Rivers knows this though.   As high as so many were on Meachem in the offseason, this is a real concern. - Dan
    • I don’t think Meachem exists.  There’s no way I could have been that wrong about him because that would require me being wrong and stuff. - Gino

     

  • Trent Richardson’s week two performance opened up the passing game a bit and really benefited Greg Little.  The more effective Richardson is, the more effective the offense will be. - Dan
    • Greg Little deciding to catch the ball helped Greg Little. - Gino

     

  • Redskins Kyle Shanahan has said they see a little bit of Terrell Davis in Alfred Morris.  I wouldn’t believe it if it wasn’t coming from a family that has, over time, has been the reliable source of fantasy running back information in the history of the NFL. – Gino
    • I have been pretty impressed with what I have seen from Morris but you are right.  I hate the Shanahans and their faces. - Dan

     

  • Jeff Fisher’s mustache notched it’s first St. Louis Rams victory this week thanks to Daryl Richardson (looked impressive) and Josh Morgan (looked stupid). - Dan
    • Josh Morgan received death threats for his unsportsmanlike conduct penalty that likely cost the Skins the game.  On a positive note, it’s the first time anyone has ever cared about him enough to even notice him, let alone threaten his life.  Congrats Josh!  Right? - Gino

     

  • I asked Martellus to draw a picture of himself for this episode of Double Coverage.  He complied: – Dan

 Unicorns are People Too?

    •  I’d like to unsheath my Titansteel Spellblade with plus 39 stamina, 409 spell power and 29 crit rating, and attack the beast….wait, sorry, my nerd instincts surfaced there… - Gino

 

  • Shanahan said the Garcon was suffering from turf toe, of the foot.  I have no idea what the hell that is, nobody does, but Garcon is in danger of missing his second game this weekend.  I’m guessing it’s because a team of doctors are trying to figure out what manner of dementia Shanahan is suffering from, rather than focusing on healing Garcon’s turf foot. - Gino
    • Shanahan’s diet may play a factor in his odd behavior.  His diet mainly consists of this: - Dan Unicorns are People Too?

     

  • Marshawn Lynch runs like a possessed man.  I was able to grab him in a couple leagues this year and I couldn’t be happier. He is a RB1 for the foreseeable future. - Dan
    • It’s the grill: - Gino

     Unicorns are People Too?

 

  •  Santonio Holmes has gone 27 consecutive games without a 100 yard performance.  On the positive side, he also has a streak of 28 consecutive years with acting like a complete tool. – Dan
    • I’m pretty sure he was still a douche in the womb, tack on 9 months to that. - Gino

 

  • Thursday nights are brutal for me now.  I’m always faced with the dilemma of jabbing myself in the jugular with sharpie, or watching Cee Lo do his Thursday night football song. - Gino
    • I just witnessed Gino drop his eight month old daughter head first into the floor while scrambling for the remote to hit the mute button while Cee Lo’s song was playing.  I think she wishes he would have chosen the sharpie. - Dan

     

Dan and I have been searching for weeks for opponents worthy enough to challenge our gridiron prowess.  Ultimately, we realized the search was fruitless and decided that my 3 and 4 year old daughters would serve as suitable representatives for everyone that isn’t us.   Each week, the four of us will pick winners from 6 NFL games and we’ll post and analyze the results in DC.

Well week 2 results are the week’s standing:
Shea –     4 wins 2 losses
Gino –     2 wins 4 losses
Dan –         2 wins 4 losses
Gia –         1 wins 5 losses

Here are overall standings:
Shea –     9 wins 3 losses
Gino –     6 wins 6 losses
Dan –         5 wins 7 losses
Gianna –     4 wins 8 losses

My initial anger at being shown up by me 3 year old daughter has subsided.  After all, she has my DNA so I think it’s reasonable to take credit for all her successes.  Jealousy and rage have been replaced with pride and joy.  I’m thinking we might have a prodigy here and I’m planning a trip to Vegas to see what it takes to become a professional handicapper.

While I’m proud of Shea, I’m starting to worry about my oldest Gia.  4-8 is a sad record.  She’s not even beating Dan.  Making it in Vegas is tough, if I had two prodigies to throw into the system, my chances of vicarious success increases significantly.  I need to motivate Gia.  Cookie monster is her favorite.  I’ve kidnapped her cookie monster, hung him in the garage and vowed to make a pinata out of him if she doesn’t get at least 4 wins this week.  I know how to motivate children. – Gino

This week I am visiting Gino at his house.  While I am here, I am going to attempt to learn from Shea.  She has far more football knowledge than Gino and myself.  Gino may take credit for supplying the DNA but any way you look at it, she is smarter than he is.  I am hoping my willingness to learn will assist me in the coming weeks of this competition.  - Dan

Here are this weeks games:

  • Cincinnati @ Washington
  • Jacksonville @ Indianapolis
  • New England @ Baltimore
  • Tampa Bay @ Dallas
  • Buffalo @ Cleveland
  • Houston @ Denver

Shea     Record (9 – 3)     Age:  3     Ht:  3’2″     Wt:  43 lbs

  • Washington
  • Indianapolis
  • Baltimore
  • Tampa Bay
  • Cleveland
  • Houston

Gino     Record (6 – 6)     Age:  38     Ht:  5’3″     Wt: 103 lbs*
(*In High School)

  • Cincinnati
  • Indianapolis
  • Baltimore
  • Dallas
  • Buffalo
  • Denver

Dan     Record (5 – 7)     Age:  32     Ht:  5’9″    Wt:  ?*
(*Scale Broke During Attempt)

  • Washington
  • Indianapolis
  • Baltimore
  • Dallas
  • Buffalo
  • Houston

Gianna     Record (4 – 8)     Age:  4     Ht:  3’1″     Wt:  36 lbs

  • Washington
  • Indianapolis
  • Baltimore
  • Dallas
  • Cleveland
  • Denver

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